As an infinitely powerful being, there isn't much that can bother me. Even stupidity has a hard time finding my nerves, let alone getting on them. However, a certain individual seems to look upon himself as something close to a God. No, I don't mean myself. I am far too superior to be seen as something as small as that, nor do I press my opinion of myself onto the public as often as this person. He refers to himself as Maddox.
Maddox... The name alone makes you think of Mad Cow Disease. In nearly every article he writes, he discriminates against the rest of the world as if the rest of the world shares his views on the rest of the world. Don't believe me? Look up his website and see for yourself. What's worse is with all the hate mail he gets he is still too blind to see that the world is not on his side and continues to believe that he is right about everything.
Another thing that puzzles me is how he copyrights every drawing he makes, as if anyone would want to steal his crappy art work? I got news for him, he's not a great artist. He's not important enough to steal from. If anyone did steal his art, he would probably feel really good about that, ignoring the fact that someone would have to be mentally ill to think that it's any good.
To his credit, though, he does make some good points here and there and he is a remotely amusing read. Most of the people who give him hate mail seem to forget that he has the right to say whatever he wants. However, he claims that the very thing he does is stupid when others are doing it. Sorry, but all those people who talk about their feelings online? Remember how you say the rest of the world doesn't care? Eat it.
Why don't I give him hate mail about that? If he wants my criticism, he can go searching for it like a dog. Unlike him, I don't need the satisfaction of his arrogant reply. But if he does find this entry and feels the need to reply, I should say this...
By sending me hate mail, you acknowledge that I own all rights to the entire contents of your message, any images sent with the message, your email address, your house, your car, your first born and your soul. Furthermore, you agree to make your email address publicly available on this or any other web site, and you accept my views and opinions as being right regardless of anything. Furthermore, you agree that it is okay for me or anyone else to slander and/or libel you on this or any other web site, in public, at your place of employment, or anywhere else in this or any other universe and/or dimension. Know that sending me hate mail is a request for character defamation, endless belittling and excessive mockery. You may not sue me for any reason, ever, and this disclaimer is subject to change without notice, and you are still subject to the rules regardless of any changes made. If you do not agree with these rules, then don't send me hate mail.
Payback sucks, doesn't it?
The Best Page in the Universe, or so it is named, is the most self-centered, mind numbing, pretentious thing he could have done, considering that his feeble existence could be snuffed out in a nanosecond by just about anything. To put it simply, "The Best Page in the Universe" is anything but. It is a pathetic attempt for Maddox to make himself feel important in his own mind by telling off others and calling himself right regardless of the world's views on him. This kind of personality is referred to as foolish and unwise, but never-mind that, he is awesome! Let's face it, he is simply a mundane man with a mundane life and his opinion about anything only has value to the small handful of people he calls his friends, which he would drop in a second if any of them were anything above mindless lackeys.
In closing, I would like to inform you that everything I have said is satire. Just in case you didn't notice the title of this article. I know that Maddox's site is satire as well. I don't really have a bone to pick with him or his expressed views, so don't take the above too seriously.
I'm the OmniEpic Wizard. I write it, so bite me.
Monday, December 15, 2008
Thursday, December 11, 2008
N00B WARZ
Back millions upon millions of years ago, the first creatures of the Earth were just learning how to move around their environment. Apart from the exciting life of survival, however, there was only one true constant, something that remained and drilled into the limited minds of every living thing.
BOREDOM!
Everything that was able to perceive the world around it was finding everything they had already done to be boring. Moving around was boring, mostly because you had nowhere to go. There were no malls or arcades back then. In fact, there was barely anything. Eating was boring, because it was over too quick. When you’re eating just to survive, it’s rarely a good idea to slow down to enjoy your meal. And, sure, being chased can be an exhilarating and energetic experience, but not in a good way. You’re scared out of your mind when you are running for your life and certainly not doing it for the excitement.
So, for the next few years, everything was mundane, ordinary, and predictable. Eat, Sleep, Survive. That’s all there was. And, for a time, that’s all anyone thought there would be.
Then, someone made the first game!
It was a very simple game, with easy to follow rules. I chase you, but no one gets eaten. It was originally meant as training to survive longer, but they discovered how much fun it could be to run without risking your life. They had fun learning how to avoid getting caught and escaping their would-be killer. This game was taught to every child of every species of every creature on the planet.
LET THERE BE FUN!!!
Please join me in the present, now, for the true topic of this post. As long as there have been games, there have been these people that are willing to win at that game, no matter what, even if it means bending the rules or not playing fairly. Instead of gaining knowledge about the game and preparing themselves for every little thing that could go wrong, these people want to win as fast as possible, so as not to let their opponent think, cheapening the experience for both sides. Some of them succeed, most of them fail. All of them are referred to as:
N00BZ!
Unlike a newbie, who is a person that is new to the activity and needs to learn the basics, a n00b is someone who already has enough of an understanding to know they can’t win in a fair competition. So, they use every cheap shot, sucker punch, sneak attack, and dirty trick they know of to gain the upper hand. These people destroy the experience for everyone. They claim they are playing the game correctly, but I believe all games need to teach you something, even if it is basic language skills or hand eye coordination. However, instead of letting people around them, or themselves, learn the skills needed to be good at the activity, they beat them down with their knowledge of loop holes and rule benders before anyone can figure out anything.
I wouldn’t be complaining so much if these people were harming themselves, as these kinds of people wouldn’t last long any other way, but they insist on bringing down everyone around them, stopping them from learning anything or even having fun. These n00bz only know one thing, win. The problem is, whether they win or lose, their opponent doesn’t have any fun at all. They either suck, making the game too easy, or they use every trick NOT in the book forcing their opponent to sit there, doing nothing. Nothing taught, nothing learned, nothing fun.
There’s got to be a way to stop these people from ruining our fun activities. Anytime someone beats you down in a fighting game using a move that’s impossible to dodge, shove them to the ground over and over again, to show them what it’s like. Anytime someone uses a spell in a trading card game that freezes you without release while they pick away at your health, tie them up and give them the Chinese water torture. Anytime someone gets all of their friends to ambush you and beat on you, find some friends of your own, grab that person and lock them in a box with some VERY hungry ants. I guarantee you they will straighten out real quick, or at least not cheap shot you anymore. If all else fails, pit them against eachother, in an all out brawl of cheapness to the death! It’s not hard, you just need to show them how it feels and fight fire with fire!
Hmm… Speaking of Pyrotechnics…
BOREDOM!
Everything that was able to perceive the world around it was finding everything they had already done to be boring. Moving around was boring, mostly because you had nowhere to go. There were no malls or arcades back then. In fact, there was barely anything. Eating was boring, because it was over too quick. When you’re eating just to survive, it’s rarely a good idea to slow down to enjoy your meal. And, sure, being chased can be an exhilarating and energetic experience, but not in a good way. You’re scared out of your mind when you are running for your life and certainly not doing it for the excitement.
So, for the next few years, everything was mundane, ordinary, and predictable. Eat, Sleep, Survive. That’s all there was. And, for a time, that’s all anyone thought there would be.
Then, someone made the first game!
It was a very simple game, with easy to follow rules. I chase you, but no one gets eaten. It was originally meant as training to survive longer, but they discovered how much fun it could be to run without risking your life. They had fun learning how to avoid getting caught and escaping their would-be killer. This game was taught to every child of every species of every creature on the planet.
LET THERE BE FUN!!!
Please join me in the present, now, for the true topic of this post. As long as there have been games, there have been these people that are willing to win at that game, no matter what, even if it means bending the rules or not playing fairly. Instead of gaining knowledge about the game and preparing themselves for every little thing that could go wrong, these people want to win as fast as possible, so as not to let their opponent think, cheapening the experience for both sides. Some of them succeed, most of them fail. All of them are referred to as:
N00BZ!
Unlike a newbie, who is a person that is new to the activity and needs to learn the basics, a n00b is someone who already has enough of an understanding to know they can’t win in a fair competition. So, they use every cheap shot, sucker punch, sneak attack, and dirty trick they know of to gain the upper hand. These people destroy the experience for everyone. They claim they are playing the game correctly, but I believe all games need to teach you something, even if it is basic language skills or hand eye coordination. However, instead of letting people around them, or themselves, learn the skills needed to be good at the activity, they beat them down with their knowledge of loop holes and rule benders before anyone can figure out anything.
I wouldn’t be complaining so much if these people were harming themselves, as these kinds of people wouldn’t last long any other way, but they insist on bringing down everyone around them, stopping them from learning anything or even having fun. These n00bz only know one thing, win. The problem is, whether they win or lose, their opponent doesn’t have any fun at all. They either suck, making the game too easy, or they use every trick NOT in the book forcing their opponent to sit there, doing nothing. Nothing taught, nothing learned, nothing fun.
There’s got to be a way to stop these people from ruining our fun activities. Anytime someone beats you down in a fighting game using a move that’s impossible to dodge, shove them to the ground over and over again, to show them what it’s like. Anytime someone uses a spell in a trading card game that freezes you without release while they pick away at your health, tie them up and give them the Chinese water torture. Anytime someone gets all of their friends to ambush you and beat on you, find some friends of your own, grab that person and lock them in a box with some VERY hungry ants. I guarantee you they will straighten out real quick, or at least not cheap shot you anymore. If all else fails, pit them against eachother, in an all out brawl of cheapness to the death! It’s not hard, you just need to show them how it feels and fight fire with fire!
Hmm… Speaking of Pyrotechnics…
Sunday, November 23, 2008
You Are Winner!
Congratulations! You’ve been selected to receive a free Nintendo Wii!
Congratulations! You’ve been selected to receive a free Verizon Blackberry!
Congratulations! You’ve been selected to receive a free Sony PSP!
Congratulations! You’ve been selected to hear this advertisement play in your browser for all eternity, or until your speakers die, whichever comes first!
Is it just me, or are these audio advertisements the most annoying form of advertising ever placed on the web? Audio advertisements began as a guy on the street, calling out to anyone who could hear him, as the best way to advertise without paper at the time. The next audible advertisement was on the Radio, because there is nothing visual on the Radio. Then they had advertisements on the Television. Of course you could hear them, but you could also see them moving. Televised advertisements were videos which, without sound, are rather boring.
When advertisements started on the internet, they were little more than electronic posters, possibly animated. Then we started having videos advertising online. Now, we have the normal, slightly animated electronic poster, on an otherwise boring and SILENT site, with a voiceover that’s louder than most videos you watch. What is it saying? Does it have a catchy jingle? Does it tell you about Ernie’s GIF site and Car lot?
No!
Congratulations! You’ve been selected as the latest pigeon to fall for this service cover-up!
Instead of flat out saying that we have a chance at getting something, we are told that we’ve been selected to get one! Doesn’t that imply you’ve already done what you have to do? Congratulations! You’ve won! Not quite. But you can win! You can get this item absolutely free by completing the below offers, which usually tell you to pay for something, or take a million convenient surveys, or test a product that your local crash test dummy would be wary of. Does this sound free to you?
So, not only is it annoying to listen to, but it’s false advertising! And worst yet, it plays ever time you load a page!
EVERY
SINGLE
TIME!!!
So you need to either find a way to stop it, or mute your computer. You don’t want to mute your computer, you want to watch a video on YouTube, or play a game on Newgrounds! You can’t do that without sound, not enjoyably, anyway. Seriously, what were these people thinking?
“Let’s annoy the average consumer, by barraging them with advertisements that never shut up, and never go away, so that they will click on that advertisement and complete every offer on the page in the hopes of us giving them a program that will block those advertisements from ever coming up again. But, let’s not provide that program, and instead give them even more advertisements so they will do it again!”
“WE’LL BE RICH!”
Ya know? I wouldn’t doubt it one bit.
Congratulations! You’ve been selected to receive a free Verizon Blackberry!
Congratulations! You’ve been selected to receive a free Sony PSP!
Congratulations! You’ve been selected to hear this advertisement play in your browser for all eternity, or until your speakers die, whichever comes first!
Is it just me, or are these audio advertisements the most annoying form of advertising ever placed on the web? Audio advertisements began as a guy on the street, calling out to anyone who could hear him, as the best way to advertise without paper at the time. The next audible advertisement was on the Radio, because there is nothing visual on the Radio. Then they had advertisements on the Television. Of course you could hear them, but you could also see them moving. Televised advertisements were videos which, without sound, are rather boring.
When advertisements started on the internet, they were little more than electronic posters, possibly animated. Then we started having videos advertising online. Now, we have the normal, slightly animated electronic poster, on an otherwise boring and SILENT site, with a voiceover that’s louder than most videos you watch. What is it saying? Does it have a catchy jingle? Does it tell you about Ernie’s GIF site and Car lot?
No!
Congratulations! You’ve been selected as the latest pigeon to fall for this service cover-up!
Instead of flat out saying that we have a chance at getting something, we are told that we’ve been selected to get one! Doesn’t that imply you’ve already done what you have to do? Congratulations! You’ve won! Not quite. But you can win! You can get this item absolutely free by completing the below offers, which usually tell you to pay for something, or take a million convenient surveys, or test a product that your local crash test dummy would be wary of. Does this sound free to you?
So, not only is it annoying to listen to, but it’s false advertising! And worst yet, it plays ever time you load a page!
EVERY
SINGLE
TIME!!!
So you need to either find a way to stop it, or mute your computer. You don’t want to mute your computer, you want to watch a video on YouTube, or play a game on Newgrounds! You can’t do that without sound, not enjoyably, anyway. Seriously, what were these people thinking?
“Let’s annoy the average consumer, by barraging them with advertisements that never shut up, and never go away, so that they will click on that advertisement and complete every offer on the page in the hopes of us giving them a program that will block those advertisements from ever coming up again. But, let’s not provide that program, and instead give them even more advertisements so they will do it again!”
“WE’LL BE RICH!”
Ya know? I wouldn’t doubt it one bit.
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